I’ve not kept it hidden, my battle with the ugly monster named FEAR. Most often it feels demonic.
I’ve been shamed for feeling it, both from the voice of my own soul, and from others, intended or not, who are far more full of faith than I am.
Or are they?
I might feel fearless in the face of some looming threat, and fall prey to fear in the face of something else two days later.
It’s easy for me to be bold when my spirit doesn’t feel a threat and someone else is struggling with fear. I can quote the verses, tell what I know of our God who is in control. His sovereignty, our comfort always – yes, but when my guard is down, and I see the circumstances, I quit walking on water and fall into the sea.
Jesus, help me!
And He does. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Him. None. The blood of Jesus cleanses us from all unrighteousness. Romans 8:1, 1 John 1:9 and to top off the good news of His rescuing mercy, grace and forgiveness, we have the promise of it all working together for good. Romans 8:28
When I feel confident in the Lord, I might be forgetting my own battle with fear, my own struggle of living in the tension of being in the world but not of it. Of being a woman of faith who feels fear.
I wonder if Abraham felt fear when God told him that He was going to destroy Sodom?
This journey of walking by faith and not by sight. How I wish I could live it perfectly.
So often we assume that feelings of fear should not accompany this walk of faith, as if feeling fear is a sin.
But fear is an emotion.
Granted, its ‘s emotion that can lead to sin. And often does. And with me, it has.
It is our reaction to our fears that become weights and weapons; weapons that war at our very own souls and our relationships and our peace.
And all I can say is, “Please forgive me.”
Forgive me Jesus, and forgive me, those who have been the recipients when I have failed to corral my selfishness, and have launched word-bombs. I’m sure I’ve hurt you, and I’m sorry.
I have not yet won the battle as I live in a war zone. But I have the victory because of Christ in me. When my flesh fails, He is the strength of my heart, my refuge from the storm and my stronghold.
Dear friend, if I hurt or offend you, will you please try to remember to come to me and tell me privately, in the spirit of Matthew 18:15? And I will seek to do the same.
Our Lord is so wise. Lead me beside the still waters and restore my soul.
Abraham managed his fear with wisdom. He prayed to God, humbly interceding for his nephew Lot, that he would not be consumed by the wrath of God. And God heard, Lot was delivered.
Dear Lord, in these days of tumult, as I see the winds and breakers of division rolling across my newsfeed and impending darkness of the unknown in this political climate, I admit I do feel fear. Help me keep my eyes on you, help me go to you first. But when I do react out of my fear and inevitably hurt people, help me be quick to repent, help me hold fast to hope. Increase my faith, remind me to pray, and help me trust you more. In Jesus’ Name, Amen