The Verdict on Performing and People-Pleasing

Welcome to the first of a series of THURSDAY posts by a few blogging friends on finding joy and contentment in being YOU. This first post is by me and includes a little Bible Study with the passages contained within the post so you don’t have to look them up!

Starting the day with weariness, I was on my way into the church parking lot when the thought crossed my mind: “life is war.” And then, “if we for a moment put our sword down and pretend like it isn’t, we begin to lose ground.”

There are times we feel like we can’t win and want to just ‘get out’ of the fight.


I’m not talking about the wars we hear of on the daily news, the battles our soldiers fight on land with guns and tanks . . .

I’m talking about our personal wars. Life’s daily struggles.


Struggle:
1. To contend with an adversary or opposing force.
2. To advance with violent effort.
3. To cope with inability to perform well or to win; to contend with difficulty.


We fight to maintain schedules, to make deadlines, to control our eating, to get to the gym, to give when we’d rather hoard, to be kind when we are under pressure, to cook and serve another meal, the list goes on and on.


But here is what I think is the crux of it all: The core battle is the one fought in our souls for our identity. I’ve written about the soul-hole, how we are born with a cavern that needs to be filled with love and only God’s perfect love can complete us.


Though we know that, we don’t always live it. Often, I think it is because we don’t know how to fight. We think we have to fight for validation, but we already have it. Christ who came to redeem us from the curse of broken identity has already validated us. We don’t fight for victory, we fight from it.


His cross proclaims, “It is finished.” {Your search for value ends HERE!} “I passionately love you!!!”


In this series we want to explore how to walk in victory, to teach what we have learned and to learn from one another. The battle won’t cease until we are done with this life and completely free from our old skin. But we have been given what we need to stay the course while we are here.


God has given us a battle-strategy and everything we need to win in Christ. (1 John 5:4) We have a commanding officer. (1 Corinthians 15:57) We have armor, and a shield and a sword. (Ephesians 6:10-18) The armor does not cover the back so we need fellow soldiers who can see what we cannot. (Hebrews 10:24-25)


* * * * * * * * * *


There have been times when I’ve lost the struggle. I’ve caved to discouragement, or allowed the feelings to settle in my soul believing I was hopeless and worthless. Looking back, I see those times have imprisoned me, rendering me ineffective in living free and enjoying life. I’d forsaken the gift I’d been given. (John 10:10)


In the foolish reasoning of my middle-school mind, groping to fit in, hoping that I might secure the right outfit or the “in” hairdo, or at least just get rid of my acne, my mind was not on my studies. I was instead swimming in a cesspool of insecurity. I ended up in a special reading class because I didn’t comprehend what I read.


They thought I had a reading disability, but I know it was emotional blockage. The cure for my comprehension dilemma came through the teacher of the class, not from her teaching new methods of absorbing words, but from her genuine concern for me. I was only one of three in the classroom and she made me feel valuable. I had a distinct sense of relief when I was with her and mourned when I no longer needed to go to her class.


There are times I believe God will give us over to the false gods we are trusting in to enable us to be free from their strong hold on us.


In my mid-thirties, the things I leaned on, and that I had rested my identity on were broken. At least four of my main relationships were simultaneously strained, and I took responsibility for most of it. Homeschooling had become challenging so we sent our fourth-grader to public school. I did so with an underlying voice, an inner slave-driver telling me that I better make up for my failure by doing more.


I was spinning more plates than I could manage and they were dropping.


So there I was, churning in another cesspool. This time it was clinical anxiety and depression.


Through that season of my life, I learned that I had placed responsibility on myself for every strained relationship or perceived failure to succeed. I looked for a reflection of my value in the approval of people, so I performed for validation of my identity.


In the years following, as I received counsel from the Lord in His word, and encouragement by a mentor, it became clear that, you know . . . it had become all about me. Sad but true story.



I live in greater freedom today. Not from feelings of inferiority, I still get those occasionally. But I know they are just arrows aimed at my weakness and they no longer penetrate my soul. I know how to raise my shield, pull out my sword and slay the beast. I remind myself of truth. I resist the devil and he flees.


When we know and understand that his temptations are geared toward the part of us that died with Christ (Galatians 2:20), and that we can instead, by the Spirit, put them to death, (Romans 8:13-14) We won’t continue to live dodging the feelings, we will live despite them.

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Today I can walk into a room of beautiful, gifted, popular, more celebrated women than I and know that I may feel inferior for a moment-but I am not a failure for feeling it. I know how to take that thought that led to the feeling captive to the obedience of Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:4-6) I know how to fight. I walk with my shield up and my sword ready: In Him, I am loved and chosen, (Ephesians 1:4-5) and there is no favoritism with God. (Ephesians 6:9)


The battle winning strategy is simple really, but not easy. It is this: I choose to believe God. (Proverbs 3:5-6)


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