Getting Seriously Real With This Deal of Living Free From Approval-Cravings

She sat across from me, her long blonde hair pulled over in a side ponytail, curls cascading down that one side. The first thing I took notice of was her appearance. In a matter of seconds my eyes took in her green jacket, her leather boots, trendy scarf and gloves, and then the thought, “She is thin”. Yes, it’s true.


It’s also true that I selected my clothing in the shadow of her trendiness. Gazing at my closet, I thought, “What do I have that is trendy?”


Perhaps part of my choosing to dress similar to her style was because I know how it might go if I don’t. If I did not feel good about what I was wearing while we were together, I may be overcome by feelings of inferiority and could potentially sabotage our time together. You learn things from experience.


So this is the method I have used to keep myself from sitting there thinking about me instead of giving my attention to my friend. It works. My time with her was rich. I felt equal with her. Not superior, not inferior. We prayed together, encouraged one another and laughed together about the fact that we had solved all the world’s problems in two and a half hours over my chicken-avacado pita and her ahi tuna salad.


Confessing this, I know there is a healthier way. The root of this issue is validating my worth by appearance. I grieve seeing how rating, measuring, and comparing can still reside in my thinking.


Have you ever assigned yourself a ‘guide’ in your wardrobe selection when meeting with certain people? Is the first thing you notice about your friend their appearance? It’s not hard to see why this is a problem in our culture of American Idol, Vogue, Glamour and selfies. Our eyes are constantly beholding beauty from the outside.


It’s like I need to shut my eyes to really see!

CLICK TO TWEET


Comparison/competition is innate to our sinful nature. That fateful day Adam and Eve chose to believe the lie that God was holding out on them instead of the Truth that God had given them everything for Life. That was the day they died in their relationship with Life. With God. Just as God had told Adam, “you will surely die.”, ever since, we have all been born dead. I picture life without Life as a dark hollow crater. Our inside-eyes became blind. Our inner-life, our soul lost it’s worth in becoming unfettered from Life in God.


We are born seeking solace from outside, thinking we somehow hold power on the inside to grab Life. 


And we learn to grope for life from our first breath. As we grow up, we find ways to manage our empty souls. To try to get them filled by ‘being or doing something’.


Something like beautiful. (Or successful. Or strong. Or smart. Or fast . . .)



I remember the feelings of rejection when I was one of the last few chosen for square-dancing in Junior High. I knew in my hollow heart it was because I was not beautiful like the other girls who were picked first. They seemed to have what I wanted and I guessed at the reason.


And even though I know now that I was leaning on faulty childhood reasoning, I can still find myself thinking as I did back then and striving to prevent the pain of feeling unlovely. I’ve found coping-mechanisms to compensate and live free, but I’m certain that cutting off the root would be better.


So I pray that Jesus will help me increasingly abide in the fullness of His love and look at things with my ‘inside-eyes’. {Especially as I approach “the big 5-0”}  He appeared and the soul felt it’s worth.


Jesus is Love on the inside, He is Life secure and complete, and He’s the Light of my soul.


And this truth as my weapon: 1 Peter 3:3-4

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

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Here is the real deal: God wants us freely abiding in His love. Enjoying beauty but not bound having our worth in it. (Or any other thing you may have attached to your worth that you worship)

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Jesus died to redeem us from the curse of death. He’s given abundant Life. Our hollow heart is full. But it is a process to shed our old skin, it doesn’t just fall away instantly so we need to encourage one another along the way.


Last night I sat with a friend’s words on my lap until late in the night. I was enjoying it so much I had to open Facebook chat – to laugh with her and clap my hands for her words resonating with my heart.


“I want to do well because I want someone to say I’ve done well. That feels like love to me. ~Jennifer Lee


“We’ve been lured by an out-of-Eden placebo: Human validation” ~J.L.

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“My life has become a defensive posture against possible criticism.” ~J.L.


“I want to live the right answers to my questions. I want to live what I believe.” ~J. L.


And to that I say, {ME TOO!} The book, Love Idol releases in April.


So hop over to Jennifer’s book page and pre-order a copy for yourself. I guarantee you will enjoy her warm-hearted conversation about her journey to freedom from bowing down to the Love Idol as you read it. And check out the hashtags on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook #loveidol #preapproved


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