Feelings Are Flawed Indicators Of Reality So Why Do We Let Them Dictate Our Value Or Hold Us Back?

Comparison is the thief of joy. You have probably pinned that phrase or seen it scroll across a news feed. And I wonder if reading it, or pinning it has helped combat the disease of our souls. The ongoing feelings of insecurity that we struggle with.


When I was a new mom, I struggled with the urge to measure the timing of the talking and the walking of my baby against other mama’s babies. I worked through it, and discovered it was a ton of wasted emotional energy. Hindsight is 20/20 right?


As a homeschool mom, I fought the temptation to measure my schooling methods and successes against my friend who covered every A Beka Book page, every day with her kids. And I’m certain they dotted every ‘i’ and crossed every ‘t’ while I missed pages, days, and likely many i’s and t’s. Not only that, I totally failed at administering timed math tests. Comparing to her made me feel like a failure.


But I wasn’t.


Both of my kids graduated. Yes they did! And they are both sturdy young adults. {*phew!*} And my friend’s boys? They’ve all four been at the podium giving speeches to their graduating class. Don’t think the temptation was eradicated from my heart even after all the years of practice I had slaying the beast.


I’ve learned it once if I’ve learned it a thousand times, the whole process of allowing the feelings that comparison breeds is deflating. I’ve also learned that if I ever allow my failure to eradicate the comparison-demon discourage me, then I not only have a deflated tire, I’m also immobilizing my Mini Van.


“Why are you so negative?” (That question has been posed to me a time or three by the one closest to me.)

It’s true, on the measuring days or the fighting-not-to-measure days, I’ve been overwhelmed and under-motivated. Deflated really- and immovable. Have you been there?


When a tire is deflated, it’s dead on the spot, immovable. Who wants to live imprisoned like that?


I’ve not talked to a woman yet who doesn’t struggle with this demon. I’d say it’s in our original DNA.


Because we are all born with a crater in our soul. A heart hole that seeks to be whole. An empty love-bank longing for love-deposits. Crying for love. We are born with a need to be filled.


We come out of the womb thirsty. We often think it is our bellies that are empty-not our hearts. So we medicate with food and as we grow, we fight over toys, or friends, or fight to get good grades or be the best athlete. Or we give up all together and go with the flow, trying to blend in. Doing what others do even when it goes against our conscience because we want to feel okay about ourselves.


We are born with an insatiable hunger for love. The methods we use to satisfy our hunger become idols in our hearts.


Idols in our hearts.


We come to flawed conclusions early in life and so use faulty methods to fill the hole. We may seek to dominate, medicate, manipulate, subjugate, separate, berate (ourselves or others) and these things give temporary feelings of fullness, but actually hold us captive as we are forced to either try to hold tight the place we have acquired on top, or we hold an unfulfilled longing to have a place on top.


You might call the methods we develop to get our empty hearts filled, “Love Idols”. This is what my friend Jennifer Lee calls them in her soon to be released book. Love Idol is available for pre-order here.


Have you noticed? Everything we do to try to fill our soul-hole eventually backfires and inevitably severs relationships. The very thing we all long for!


My feelings too often move me to react negatively. Feelings are poor indicators of reality as we face the ebb and flow of life. Life with the inevitable winds of change can suck the air right out of our once-sturdy Goodyears.


As Jennifer launches her book, she’s gathered a group of friends who are going to ask the Lord to expose and eradicate the love idols from our lives, seeking to live in greater freedom from the bondage of our own flawed, failing methods and learn to live wholly in the love of Jesus.


Once we “get it”, {and often we have it, but still don’t LIVE it!} Once we believe in the true love of Jesus, the heart-hole is made whole and from a heart full of love, instead of grabbing for love, we can pour it out on others.


So grab a copy of the book Love Idol, hop over to Jennifer’s blog , and walk with us as we allow the Lord access to the hidden places in our hearts that we often continue seeking fulfillment with love idols.



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