Living Life In The Land In Between

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I feel like I just graduated high school -again. Wondering where I am going and where I will land.

Not only have I come to the end of my most-loved job of raising children, but I feel like I’m in a distant , unknown land.  Life as I knew it with running the kids around and events where I connected with other parents is over. Done. Kaput.

It’s not that there are not friends in the same phase of life, but think about it. Where there is no football player in your family, there is no gathering with other parents to watch. No plays to anticipate, or demonstrations to attend. No parent-teacher conferences or rushing to get the kids out the door…(I realize that if you are in the thick of it, that might sound good for a few weeks, but on the ‘other side’ it is like–permanent.)

And soon after my baby graduated, I closed Bittersweet Farm due to the changing circumstances of my husband’s job. No more women crossing the threshold exclaiming, “It smells so good in here!” and “Do you have any….(of that cranberry room spray… burgundy berries with stars… shelves about ‘this’ long)” or “I just love your shop!”

Now, you don’t want to have your worth rest on those kinds of things, but there is definitely a sense of satisfaction in serving others and knowing they are pleased. I miss it. Miss the positive comments about my work.

On top of all that, our farm has been for sale for the greater part of the three years that Dale has been working away from home, and we just {finally!!!} accepted an offer contingent on the sale of their home.

Will it sell? Should I pack up? I have to! …..this is it…..

Life has forced me into living in the land in between.

Land Between

And though I have these feelings of loss, I am not complaining. It is just that I have been mulling this over and I actually find that I am glad to be here.

I didn’t really think about those things when I was doing the laundry, planning and cooking meals, driving to play practice or ordering merchandise for the shop. I didn’t have to. The hamster wheel was going and I was the hamster.

Now here I am, asking myself the young adult question: “Who am I? What am I doing with my life?”

Since I got married at the ripe old age of 18, I’ve been a hairstylist, a mom, homeschooler, crafter, gardener, and shop-owner. My plan for when my nest emptied was keeping my shop going, and continuing to serve at my church as Women’s Ministry Director, leading/teaching Women’s Bible study and being a MOPS mentor.

In the process of all of this, my interests and my tastes seem to have changed too. I’m finding I like different colors, and styles of decorating, clothing and gardens. Funny.

So, I’m here at square-one. It is kind of exciting when I think I have all this blank canvas ahead of me. It’s also challenging and a bit frightening.

But the best part is that I am discovering in real life what my speaker-friend Susie Larson says,

“I am not what I do, I am someone God loves.” 

When she speaks, she has women in her audience repeat that phrase. Since I love hearing her, I’ve said so more than once. But there really is nothing like living a thing to get it real in your heart.

There are lots of things I say to myself  to ‘right my thoughts’, but experiencing truth makes it more solid, more real.

So here I am navigating the desert land of in-between. Enjoying the free time, but also challenged by the thoughts that can bombard me some days, “You are worthless since you are not making an income.” Or, “You have so far to go to get anywhere. You’ve wasted your years.”

But I call to mind what I know to be true,  that God is the Potter and I am the clay-Isaiah 64:8. That He has plans for me-Jeremiah 29:11. That they were established before the beginning of time-Ephesians 2:10. So,

I can look forward to the land ahead with anticipation and confidence that it will be good and well-suited to me.

Have you been in the land in between? Are you there now?

 

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2 Comments

  1. Oh yes,

    We are definitely traveling the same road. Praying the we both realize we are a being and not a doing and resting in His plans.

    Blessings.

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